Monday, 20 February 2017

New book covers

A friend of mine over at Deviant Art did me a favour. MordredofOrkney is a talented 3d artist who uses Poser and Daz and has some wicked femme fatale characters. Just recently, MoO helped me realize the covers that I always wanted for my Blondie books. Just look at the upgrades....
For Operation Stiletto: the Adventures of Trooper Blondie:
compared to the old cover I made myself...

and for the Budapest Files: the Adventures of Agent Blondie:
compared to the old one...

How's that for an upgrade?


The artist:

Monday, 6 February 2017

Oz, a retelling Mary-Margret style

Inspired by the new show "Emerald City", I was drawn once again to my favourite childhood movie, "The Wizard of Oz". I started with some IMVU drawings which prompted me to come up with a retelling in this all femme version.

Dorthy Gale, a naive girl from Kansas. Bored of living at home with her uptight Christian Uncle and Aunt, she goes looking for adventure with her dog Toto. When a twister approaches, she runs home only to find herself locked out of the storm cellar. She takes shelter in the farm house which gets picked up in the twister and dropped in the land of Oz. The house lands on a witch and kills her. Dorthy notices the fab shoes on the witch and takes them as she has never seen anything so fab in Kansas.
Along comes another witch, Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West. Elphaba has a rep in Oz for being kinkier than Larry Flint. She see's that Dorthy has her sister's shoes and gets upset. "What are you doing with my sister's shoes bitch? I came to borrow them for the weekend. Take them off you thieving cunt."

Dorthy is distraught but won't give up the shiny red shoes. "Uh, no way, finders keepers. Hey, why are you green anyway?"

"So, you know all about finders keepers, eh? Very cleaver. Why you buggin' about my green skin bitch? Don't they have that where you're from?"

"In Kansas? No, we just have white and redneck I think. They don't allow anything else."

Just then another witch arrives, Glinda, the Good Witch of the North. Glinda runs the child labour factory in Oz which makes adult sex toys. She's known as the good witch because she has all the sweet hookups.
Ginda intervenes, "Come now Elphaba, you know the law here in Oz, finders keepers. This new witch gets to keep the ruby shoes. Don't be hating." Elphaba flies away on her broom in a huff.

"So, are you a good witch or a bad witch?" Glinda asks.
"I'm no witch, I was raised Baptist," Dorthy answers.
"Are you under eighteen child? Cause if you are, you have to come work at my factory," Glinda asks.
"No, I turned eighteen two months ago. Look lady, you're pretty and shit but I'm lost. I just want to get my dog and me back home. If you could just point the way, that would be swell."
Glinda laughs, " Swell, seriously? Okay, I'm feeling nice today and I'm bored so I'll hook you up. Just fallow this yellow brick road to Emerald City. The Wizard there takes care off all non resident transportation. Gotta go sweet cheeks, have fun along the way, I'll be watching." Glinda leaves and Dorthy heads on down the road.
Not far down the road, Dorthy meets up with a hot looking scarecrow. The scarecrow whistles and Dorthy stops. "Wow girl, that is some serious booty!" the rag doll says. "What brings you down the road?"

Dorthy answers, "You talk? That's fucked up. The scarecrows in Kansas don't talk. I'm Dorthy and I'm heading to Emerald City to meet the Wizard. What are you doing here?"

"I'm Scarlet Crow, friends call me Scar Crow. I'm loosely related to Cheryl Crow. Anyway, I was partying with this dude back there last night and we come back here to his field. We fucked all night but this morning he sends me packing. Another hump me dump me date. You know what I'm talking about, right sister?"

Dorthy answers, " Who me? No, I'm from Kansas. We have to wait until we're married to have sex."

Scar Crow says, "What? A fine ass like that, never been tapped? Damn, you got some catching up to do. What about girls, you must have scissored some sisters? I know I'd hit that."

Dorthy answers, "No, that's illegal in Kansas. Do you do that often?"

Scar Crow says, "Yah, I bang just about everybody around here. I don't think I even know how to say no. That's part of my problem. I fall for everybody I meet, male or female. I don't know what I am. I'm such an airhead. I need to figure my shit out. Do you think this Wizard could help me out?'

"I don't know Scar. Why don't you join us and find out? Me and Toto can use some company along the way." So they head off down the yellow brick road.
Scarlet Crow, Scar Crow to her friends, Oz's easiest lay. A bit of an airhead and confused about her sexuality, Scar joins Dorthy on her quest to help figure her shit out and to hopefully get into Dorthy's pants.
Dorthy stops along the way when she see's an odd metal woman frozen stiff while chopping wood. "Wow, you're different. What gives?"

"Listen sweetheart, be a good sport and run inside the cabin and grab a tube of KY lube for me. I rusted up again," the tin woman said. Dorthy got the lube and greased up the metal woman. Scar Crow had an extra tube in her pocket and helped lube the tin woman up. "Ah ya, that's the fucking ticket. I could move actually but I wanted to get felt up by two hot bitches. I'm Tina by the way. What are you sweethearts doing here anyway?"

 Dorthy answers, "We're off to see the Wizard of Oz in Emerald City. I need to find my way home and Scar needs to figure her shit out. What's your deal?"

Tina answers, "I live alone here. Last girlfriend moved out on me a week ago. Can't seem to hang onto them. They all tell me I'm insensitive and shit. I don't know what the problem is. I always make my bitches cum. I just don't like snuggling after. Maybe they're right about me. Maybe I need to learn to be sensitive or some shit like that."

Dorthy suggests, "Well, why don't you join us Tina? I bet the Wizard can give you some sensitivity."

Tina says, "Shit, why not? Me with you two fine bitches? I'm in. I'm just chopping logs here and I don't have to work my shift at the Home Depot until Tuesday. I can be back by then." Tina joins them down the yellow brick road.
Tina, the tin woman, the resident top diesel dyke of Oz. She is fierce in the sheets but doesn't like to share feelings and shit.

Into the forest they go. Out of no where they are accosted by a Lioness.
"Come on, put em up, put em up. I'll murderize you. I ain't a scared. What's a matter bitches?"
Dorthy, unafraid, goes over to the lioness and gently pets her. "Who a scary pussycat? I can tell you're not mean. I'm from a farm and I've seen mean cats. You're just a big softy pussycat, aren't you?" Dorthy teases as she scratches the lioness behind the ear.

"Oh, stop, you're getting me all wet. Okay, you busted me. My name is Leah. Everyone just expects me to be a top because I'm a lion but fuck, I am just a fluffy bottom pussycat. I wish I could be more dominant though. I'm usually really shy around pretty girls like you three. I'm always afraid that girls won't like me. I have a fear of rejection," Leah tells them.

"Ah, that's so silly. You're so pretty, anyone would love to pet you. I would but I have to get back to Kansas. That's why I'm heading to Emerald City. Scar and Tina here are coming along too to get help from the Wizard. Want to come with? Maybe you can get some help for your shyness," Dorthy suggests.

"Ah, you guys are so nice. I can't believe you would want me to join you after acting like such a cunt. Thanks guys," Leah tells them. And they head on down the yellow brick road.
Leah the lioness, Oz's resident furry. She doubts her own beauty and is shy to ask girls out. She is a bottom but feels that because she is a lion, she should be a bit more butch.

"Hey, we're almost there but what's this random poppy field doing here?" Dorthy asks.

Scar Crow says, "Who knows, but we might as well do a few lines of poppy pollen while we're here. It always gets me nice and juicy."

Dorthy is like, "Okay, whatever. While in Oz they say." After a couple lines, they all crash. While they're out, the flying monkeys come and steal Dorthy away. They fly her to Elphaba's Castle. Dorthy finally wakes up.

Elphaba says, "Listen sister, we got off on the wrong foot earlier. I came on a bit strong. The poppy pollen was my little gift to you. So how about you give me the shoes and we call it even?"

Dorthy, a little groggy still, says, "Okay, you have some killer shit but I'm not giving up these shoes. You have to go out of state to get shoes like this back home. Sorry lady."

Elphaba tries something else, "Look Dorthy, what do you need? What's your desire? I got it all here. I got harnesses, devices, nipple clamps, anal beads, pleasure and pain. What are you into? I'll do anything, shrimping, golden showers, fisting, enemas? Name it girl. Let's make a deal."

Dorthy says, "I'm from Kansas, I don't even know what any of that shit is. We don't even have the internet at the farm. Look, I'm really sorry about the shoes and that stuff you mentioned sounds really interesting but I have to get back to my friends and get to Emerald City."

Reluctantly, Elphaba agrees and sends Dorthy back to the poppy field.

Dorthy shouts, "Up and at em bitches! We have a wizard to go see."
"We're a little fucked up still but we're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz."
Finally in the Emerald City, the girls meet with the Wizard of Oz. "What the fuck? Is it noon already? I was sleeping so well. Who the fuck is stupid enough to knock on my door this early?"
The Wizard tries to send them away. "Everybody piss off! I'm not in the mood."
Then she clears her eyes and see's how hot they all look. "Okay, wait up bitches. I didn't mean it. Bring your sweet asses back here. I'll give you each five minutes then I'm going to get my massage and some herbal tea. I had way too much bubbly last night."

The girls introduce themselves and present their problems. Wisely, the Wizard gave them each some advice,
"Tina, you're a top dyke. There is nothing wrong with that. You make girls cum and not everybody does that. It shows that you put other women's needs above your own. That's unselfish. You should take pride in that."

"Fuck, you're right. I guess I am more sensitive than I thought. Thanks. By the way, you're really hot sister. Call me," Tina replied.
"As for you Leah, fuck stereotypes. Being a lioness doesn't mean you have to be in charge all the time. Be proud of what you really are inside. Embrace it. Don't worry about hunting girls. Just put out an ad on the Oz web page with a photo. Every pussy lover in Oz will be tracking you down. Now, look at the pretty lights kitty."

"Ooo, shiny! Thanks lady, you sure are helpful and sexy too," replied Leah.

"As for you Scarlet, I don't know what your problem is. So you like dudes and chicks, you're bi. Don't worry, it's a real thing. Liking sex is nothing to be ashamed of. This is Oz, no one is going to slut shame you here. If your pussy needs attention, give it attention. Own that shit."

Scar laughs, "Ya, I know. I was never really ashamed. I just wanted to hang with these hot bitches, hoping to scare up some pussy. So are we still on for our usual meeting this Sunday Francine?"
Francine winks.

"Dorthy! Listen to me child, seriously. Why the fuck would you want to go back to Kansas? I've been there. I was from the Nebraska myself. Same shit really. You can't buy booze in half the counties. They shame you. They advocate murder against LGBT people. They're racists. Trump won the state by 80% for fuck sake. I used to work the strip joint circuit with my one woman show, 'Francine Marvel's magical sex show', and when I tried to do a show in Kansas, I got run out of the state by bible thumpers who wanted to string me up from the nearest tree limb. I ran without paying the $600.00 fine and found my way here. Believe me, it's way cooler here."

"That's all true, but I have family back there, an Uncle and an Aunt," Dorthy replied.

"I looked into the crystal ball and saw that Dorthy. They force you to go to church. They spank you for the way you dress. They won't let you own a cell phone or use the internet because they say they're the devil's tools. They won't let you love who you want. And they're going to send you to a Christian College," Francine told her.

Dorthy nodded. "Good point. But I'm scared of that green witch, Elphaba. She really wants my shoes."

Francine laughs. " Don't worry about her. Elphaba is just kinky. She has a foot and shoe fetish. I'll bet she just wanted to see your naked toes. She can get her own pair of ruby shoes. Emerald City Payless has a sale on this weekend. I'll tell her. She is a crazy bitch of a witch but she's all about pleasing her guests. Just give her a chance. As for her green colour, that was just a mishap from golden showers with flying monkeys. I tried to warn her. No worries, she's not contagious and I think the green suits her anyway."

"Okay cool, but if I stay here though, what would I do?" Dorthy asks.

"Honey child, with an ass like that, you can do anything, and anyone in Oz that you want. You can live here with me in the palace if you like. I have lots of room. Your friends can stay too as long as they want. In fact, I think they would love it if you stayed. We can have a big ass party tonight in fact. I have a case of Emerald City bubbly on ice. I'll call Elphaba and tell her to bring some poppy pollen too. I'll send for Glinda too. She is not what she seems. She looks innocent enough but she's a hard core dominatrix under that gown. If you like spankings, she's your girl. Plus she has the market cornered for sex toys so I'll tell her to bring along her special case."

Francine continued "Stay and party the night with us. The seven of us will have a big coming out orgy for you. Then, in the morning, if you still want to go back to Kansas, I'll take you there myself. Deal?"