Oh Canada!

  July 1st is Canada Day; our national holiday. What do we celebrate? Being Canadian....so what's that? Our identity crisis has always been a dilemma. At first, being a Canadian meant not being an American. That was about it. We were of the same stock and heritage all living here on this continent but after the American revolution, two separate nations were born. The US were created, but those not wanting to be part of that became Canadians. The War of 1812 would solidify that. Eventually, on July 1st in 1867, Canada would govern itself as an independent country but still loyal to the crown.

  Since then, being a Canadian has still meant not being an American. After all, you can be Native-American, African -American, Italian-American, German-American, Mexican-American, and just about anything-American but you can't be Canadian-American. You can be either Canadian or American but not both (those who have legal residency in both countries are called dual citizens). We have a multi ethnic society too; we just don't call people Chinese-Canadians. For example, we would just call that person Joey Chan from Mississauga. That's one of the differences between us and the US.

  But instead of identifying ourselves by showing our differences between us and Americans, we try to identify ourselves by those things that are unique to us.

(Thank you Jeff Foxworthy in advance) For example: If you ever cleaned up your poutine with a serviette, you are a Canadian. If you have waited all week to hear Don Cherry and Ron McLean go at it on Hockey Night, you are Canadian. If you ever filleted a pickerel, you are a Canadian. If you have ever argued whether "rough riders" was one word or two, you are a Canadian. If you have a weekly budget for Tim Horton's, you are Canadian. If you have ever had more than one Prime Minister get pied in the face in public, you are Canadian. If you think AC is a waste of hydro, you are a Canadian. If you have ever dragged your burger through the garden at Harvey's, you are a Canadian. If you have any "Crappy Tire" money in your wallet or purse, you are Canadian. If you know that bumming more than two smokes off the same person in one day is bad etiquette, you are Canadian. If you have a four month window to plan your ice fishing weekend, you are Canadian. If you think maple syrup tastes good on everything, you are a Canadian. If you have a hockey jersey and toque for formal events, you are a Canadian. If you pay for your "double-double" with a Loonie or a Toonie, you are Canadian. If you punt on third down, you are Canadian. If you think 2-4 for a 2-4 is a great deal, you are Canadian.
So here's to us, all across this great land,
Happy Canada Day, eh!
PS, check out my patriotic album (oh Canada)on Flickr.

ComicCon

  Its like Halloween on steroids...
I'm talking about Comic Con

 

Yes, Comic Con invaded Niagara Falls this weekend. It was a lot like having a mid year Halloween. What is the appeal? Good question.

Answer: Well, as long as I can remember, I loved comic books. I loved the superhero characters. Even after growing up I never lost the fantasy make believe world of Marvel, DC and the others. The appeal was that an average, mild mannered, boring person could be someone and something greater. A disguise or costume was all that separated the dull wallflower from the bright, colourful, flamboyant hero. That way, that dull average Joe could be happy and satisfied with their existence with the knowledge that the great, flashy and wonderful person that everyone loved and admired was right there inside of him, all along. Sound familiar?

   Comics gives us the fantasy. The dressing up game helps us to live it. I recently told a friend that it was like that for me. It is my pretty girl disguise. When I put on my costume of lipstick, eyeshadow, wig and dress, I become that superheroine. I am not recognisable to those that know me, the dull boring me that is.

   So masses of people flock to Comic Cons all over the world to live a fantasy for a day. They dress up, show off and live the fantasy.

 Even though I didn't dress up in any of my superheroine costumes that I have (I have 3 Batgirl, 2 Mary Marvel, and a few homemade ones) I went in a male hero costume (Its a secret). The two big reasons were that I had family with me and the other was that I get to live the dream on other occasions just doing like I always do. So I could miss this one time. Still, I'd love to go to one, maybe out of town some time, in full superhero drag. I should get a Cyber Six costume. Cyber Six was a female superheroine who was disguised as a mild manner male for a secret identity. If any of you out there have one of these Comic Conventions coming to town near you, I highly recommend attending it. Have fun, Halloween only comes once, now twice a year.

XOXO
MMC

Tick tock, hurry up!

   A friend had recently posted a blog article about prep time. Most of us g*rls have a story about how much time and effort we put into our appearance before going out in public. Many people who are new to our world or have never crossdressed to go out can't appreciate the effort we put into it. Some g*rls who are full time, or transitioning, have put the in the efforts in major ways like electrolysis, surgery, etc so that they don't have to spend as much time on a daily basis getting pretty. My friend, who is not 100% full time, but close, requires only a few minutes of prep to get ready to go out. Some g*rls are very particular about "passing" in public and have to feel that their look is convincing enough to not be "made" as male. I was motivated to write this article because it came up that I took almost three hours of prep to get ready to go out. Let me explain.

   For me; I am not even close to full time, it's an occasion or event when I get dolled up. I am also a bit OCD, so I want to be thorough. I have no illusions of "passing". I am just too male to be that convincing. I don't however want to attract the wrong kind of attention so being close to passing is a goal that I strive for. I am my own biggest critic of myself too and I always want to improve on the last time. It's that military side of me again, always aware that there is room for improvement and not to be satisfied with a partial effort. Being perfect isn't possible, but trying to is.

  So here is what I go through (spoiler alert). First of all, there are somethings I do on a regular basis for maintenance. I keep my eyebrows thin by plucking and trimming, manicure my nails and trim all those unwanted nose and ear hairs. I also keep my groin area shaved on a regular basis. That's just manscaping. A day or so before hand however, I will exfoliate the hair on my hands and feet, back, arms and body. The day of, I will shave my chest, armpits and legs nice and smooth. I make sure to shave my face very close and time it as close as I can to getting ready as it grows back quickly. That's just the preliminary.

   When I begin to get my girl disguise on and sit down to get serious is when I actually consider the start time here. I usually start with one last naked inspection of my shave job and fix any touch ups. Next I slip into my bra and panties. I usually have a few tricks I use to create cleavage and add my silicone breast forms. Then I put on my corset. I take out a wig and shake it out and style it a bit. I usually slip on a robe and sit down at the makeup mirror next. In my earliest pics I still showed beard shadow even after a close shave and foundation. I later discovered Dermablend cover up which works great to hide that. After the concealer, I apply a base foundation and powder to hold it. Then I go through the trickiest phase...false eyelashes. My own lashes are tiny and pale so I have to do this step. The hard part is gluing them on in the right spot without gluing my eyes shut or putting it on too high or not straight. Sounds easy but I wear glasses to see close up and I can't wear them while applying the lashes. So it often takes several attempts to get them on right. Once I conquer the lashes, I do my eye makeup which includes brow liner, eyeliner (also very tricky without glasses), eyeshadow (I blend a few colours) and mascara. I then add blush and lip liner before moving on. I save the lipstick and gloss until after I'm dressed. I learned that one the hard way.

   Next I pick out an outfit to wear which sometimes involves a few changes. I like to wear vintage stockings a lot which are time consuming to put on too. The garter belt is necessary (and sexy) and then nylons have to be rolled on wearing gloves to prevent snags from my nails. I learned that one the hard way too. Seams have to be adjusted and belt clips attached. The back ones are tricky. Then I put on a slip and a dress or skirt and top and I am getting close. Then there are the finger nails to polish still. I tried extensions before but they take longer than painting them. I would have had to do the toes first before the nylons but I often end up skipping the step if I know my toes will be hid in boots all night. While I wait for my fingernails to dry, I pick out my accessories; necklaces, choker, bracelets, earrings, ankle bracelet, etc. The neck choker can take time with the tiny clasp. Once dressed, I put on my lipstick and put on and fix my hair.

   At this point I usually stand in front of a mirror and self critique. After any fix ups, I load up my purse with everything I need to go out. I put on my shoes or boots, coat and I'm finally off. Well, maybe a few test photos first, then I'm off. When all things go well and it all clicks, I might be ready in and hour and half. When I'm having a rough time or struggling with something it can take up to three hours. I know that there are plenty of other shortcuts, like pantyhose and wearing less "stuff" but I like the creature that I create and it's part of the strive to be the best "Me" that I can be.

   I just hope that all of you admirers and non CDers can appreciate the effort we put in to be the Ladies that we strive to be. The old saying about "Walk a mile in their shoes before criticizing them" could not be more true.

   Mary-Margret

Hibernation

   It comes to that time of year for me again. For those that have followed me over he past few years, you'll know what I'm talking about. I limit my tgirl outings and dress up sessions to the cooler months when I can hide my shaved legs and body with lots of clothes when I am in male mode. When summer arrives and the swimming pool opens and I coach football in shorts, I can't hide it. So during the summer season I don't even try any more. I just play it safe. It's almost impossible for me to get time off from work in the summer too. The downside is that I miss a lot of good outings and more people are apt to visit here during the summer but I have a lot to risk as you know. So I take a break until the autumn wind blows in.
   This year has been a bit slow for Mary-Margret. I had one good quality trip to Toronto for a G*rls Night Out in February but I didn't have as many outings as I have in previous years. I was hoping for at least one or two more in April or very early May, as I have in other years but my life has been throwing me some curve balls that have prevented this. I had a bought of the flu in late March. In April, I had a flood in my house which caused about $30,000.00 damage. Insurance covered the costs but my house has been busy with contractors almost every day since. I haven't had much privacy. I had a one day window saved for a possible outing but a few days earlier there was a death in the family and the funeral fell on that day. The weather then turned very warm and pleasant and the summer season was here. Oh well, that's fate for you.
    Sadly, I have officially given in to hibernation this year. It's always a bit depressing for me when this happens. That's why I get so hyped up around Hallowe'en. That's roughly the time of year when I can come out of hibernation.
    Understand though, it doesn't mean that I fall off the face of the earth completely. I actually have more time to concentrate on writing. I continue to blog, chat and even post pictures on Flickr. I try to keep a stash of unposted photos that I can put up during the summer months until I can take new ones in the fall. So far, I have been doing this since March but I will possibly dig up some oldies if I run out too soon. I ought to get a couple of stories finished this summer too.
   Now I will be watching for that first autumn leaf to fall. Until then, ...sigh.

Bucket Lists

Goal setting is an everyday occurrence in life and when it comes to crossdressing, most of us have a list of goals that we want to achieve. A "Bucket List" is that kind of thing. It is a list of things we hope to accomplish before we are finished or too old to do. For me it started out simple. When I was a teen, it was wear a pair of stockings, then wear a dress. As things progressed my goals became more specific; take pictures of yourself, go out in public, meet people as Mary-Margret, be seen in daylight, etc, etc. For the most part, I have done well with my lists.

Now my bucket list has a few unfinished goals and loose ends. I am not saying that I will quit when I have achieved them. I might just set some new goals if I do. I have two specific photo shoots that I want to do still. One is an outdoor shoot in daylight dressed in Camo, with my blonde wig and posing with a rifle. It is to illustrate my novel "Trooper Blondie" that I wrote in 2006.  I have all the stuff to do it, just need the time, place and preferably a photographer that's better than Otto Timur. The other set I want to do could be easier. I want to go to Toussards wax museum here in Niagara Falls with a friend to take pictures of me with all my celebrity stars. The last time I was in there, in drab, I couldn't help but think what an awesome set that would be and how much fun it would be to do it.

There are plenty of other things that I would love to do but I am realistic with my goals. So what's on your list?

Frustration

I wanted to get around to posting this old blog from March of 2008. I lost it when my old blog site went down. The reason why I am bringing it back is because I am having a bad week with my house and I am trying to keep sane about it. It brought back this old memory from St Patricks day of 2008 when I totally lost it after a bad night out. It gives me perspective. I learned a lesson from the experience. I will add to this at the end but for now, here is the old post....

Originally from March 2008, entitled "Quitting"

Where to begin?....How about with, ’This is the end.’

    For six years now I have been actively dressing up. I know that it started way before that but I am talking about the period where I started taking my photos, shaving off all my body hair, growing my nails out, wearing makeup, wigs, breast forms, clothes, shoes, et all.  It has not been an easy time for me. There has been turmoil at home. I have endured harsh criticisms from friends and coworkers. I am not completely out about it. I like my family and I already know the price I would pay if I wanted to take this beyond recreational. That’s not what I want.
    The sacrifices I make and risks I have to take every time I dress up are food for stress. I must plan each outing well in advance. I have to book a night off of work or call in sick. I then have to make sure I am smooth, manicured, etc leading up to the event. I usually book an hotel room. Once I leave the house I go and arrange my stuff and then I can actually get started. Then there is the risk of getting caught at any time. I put myself through a lot, and for what?
    What do I get from all this? The satisfaction of being female for a few hours? In the beginning it was simple. I just liked the feel of the clothes on my skin. Then it was the desire to look more feminine. Then it was the thrill of being in public en femme. Then I wanted to make friends. Lately, it has been the social aspects that fuel my ambition. I make my plans around meeting with others. For it to be worthwhile to me I want to go out, hang out with friends or meet new ones that I have met online. I can’t say that I have too successful in this endeavour.
    It is tough organising a night out. I know how difficult it is to make commitments when your in circumstances like mine. However, I really didn’t think it would this bad. For every successful meeting there have been four unsuccessful. I am in the odds business and I can tell you 3:1 odds are poor when you are risking as much as me. For a couple of years now I have felt a lot of disappointment. I am not feeling the risk vs reward ratio is worth it. Why continue to do this?
    Take this past weekend for an example. For a few months I have been trying to put something together. I have put the buzz out there. I told everybody I had sat off.  A month ago I had about 10 people committing or showing genuine interest. So I made plans. I got the night off work, picked a place in Toronto by request of others. I booked an hotel room close to Church St. I told everybody and then watched the commitments dry up.  I never expected everyone to make it but 1 or 2 surely.
    I followed through with my plan. I drove an hour and a half down the QEW to Toronto. Besides giving up a night of pay, the hotel cost me $140 plus parking. When I arrived I could not find a place to park. The hotel clerk told me it was a block away. When I got there the lot was full so I had to bribe the attendant with a $20 and he moved his car for me. Then I hauled my stuff over to hotel and got started. After makeup and dressing up I was ready to head out. I had never been to this place but I thought it was up a couple blocks near Church and Gerrard. I am usually much more efficient in navigation but not that night.
    I didn’t fear walking it because this was the village, the ’gaybourhood ’of Toronto. I walked up through Ryerson U campus and was first stopped but a frat boy who asked me for the time. Then I was stopped a couple blocks later by a bum who complimented me at first then asked for a smoke and was seriously upset when I told him I didn’t smoke. I kept walking and not finding my club. I past a few other gay bars with huge lineups to get in. I saw a few other tranny girls on the sidewalk and having had walked eight blocks I finally stopped and asked a girl where Goodhandys was. She told me it was twelve blocks south. I was walking north. Must have been the blond wig. I grabbed a taxi because my feet were killing me.
    I got to Goodhandys around 12:30 and started looking for my acquaintances. I didn’t find anyone so I went to the bar and got a drink. I was easily the oldest person in the place by a lot, and the most overdressed. I was sitting to rest my feet and when I got up for a second drink, my heel caught the stool leg and I did a face plant on the floor. I was embarrassed and thought about leaving but I took a deep breath, smiled, brushed myself off and said, "It usually takes me another nine drinks before I do that."
    I made the best of the night anyway. I danced. I introduced myself. I was not pleased about the night in whole but it was St Pat’s and I was going to have some fun. At 3am, closing time I left and was starting to walk the four blocks back to the hotel. A car stopped along side me and the driver honked its horn. Someone yelled, "Hey baby!" I felt pretty good about that and politely turned and smiled. I wasn’t worried because after all it was the ’gaybourhood’ on Church St. and anyone dressed like me was obviously a tranny. Everyone in Toronto knows that, or so I thought.
    The car had about four or five twenty year old Italian guys in it. One of them then shouted, "Holy shit, that’s a fucking man." There was some laughter and more slurs started flying. They were yelling "Faggot" a lot. My better sense was telling me to go back into the club or to turn down the cross street and walk away but I didn’t. I don’t know if it was the disappointment in me about the night or my Irish coming out on St Pat’s but my sense of ’I don’t give a fuck anymore’ took over. I stood my ground and called them out. I challenged them to come out and do something about it. I was ready. I had worked it out in my head. Luckily for everyone, the driver had some sense and drove away quickly before anything developed.
    Back at the hotel I drew a sigh and asked myself, "What the fuck am I doing?" It’s just not worth the sacrifices and the risks.  I made a firm and conscious decision. I have to quit. Mary-Margret has to retire. We have all at one point or another been through this. I have. Before it was more imposed on me but this time it is because I want to. I know the sayings, "You can never quit 100%", "You can undress but you will always be a dresser," "Never say never," etc. I believe those too. I know I can’t break clean. I have too much involved. I will scale back. I will keep my personality on line through yahoo 360, Flickr photos and I may still write. However, I can not think of anything right now that will motivate me back into dressing again.
    I want to thank everyone who has supported and encouraged me. There are a lot of great people out there. I am hanging up the wigs. Enjoy my last set of photos, they are probably the last ones you will see of Mary-Margret Callahan. Good-bye.    
..... end of original post.


 

  Of course... this was not the end.  There was a break but I came back. The lesson I learned was about keeping a calm and level head and not let any circumstances, situations or problems get the best of me. Seeing the bigger picture always helps and it has helped me since that night. I don't put that kind of pressure on myself or others anymore and learn to laugh when things don't go as planned.

Canadian pride restored

    Just when you loose your faith in Canada....we bounce back. In a reversal of fortunes, Transgendered beauty contestant Jenna Talackova was told that she will be able to compete in the Miss Universe-Canada competition in May just days after the competition organisers and CEO Donald Trump had banned her. Jenna secured one of the leading human rights lawyers to champion her cause and as far as Canada is concerned, she is by every definition, a female. It is great to see that Jenna has fought back against a blatant display of ignorant prejudice. This will no doubt continue to spark debate, controversy, and criticism but it will definitely be a groundbreaking moment. Jenna follows in the footsteps of Jackie Robinson and will certainly have as many hurdles and obstacles to face. Donald Trump is still wishy-washy about the whole ordeal but is feeling the legal and social pressure. Jenna may not win the competition, although she is very capable of it, but the odds are slim for any competitor. I just hope that she receives the respect and fair treatment that she rightfully deserves. I can once again be proud to be Canadian.